The Long Strange Golden Road by Courtenay Pollock - Chapter 4
The illusions and delusions of this dream we call our life support a myriad of scenarios that gratify or subdue us.
We create the apparent reality of our lives. We choose the attitude we adopt moment by moment. The face we show to the world is of our own choosing. Yes, we are creatures of emotion and subject to those influences, but if you don’t like the way you feel then change your attitude.
During the period of my first entry into the world of the Grateful Dead family I was an ascetic on a spiritual journey aspiring to ever higher awareness of consciousness. I had forgotten how to hold a banal conversation, or what it was to relate to people in mundane terms. I would create a conversation that was esoteric yet personal to the person I was conversing with thereby engaging them in a consciousness out of their normal realm of familiarity. This made me somewhat of an enigma among the wonderfully down to earth, hardy and practical men and women of my adopted family.
One day following my afternoon meditation in the tranquility of the Redwood house I called home I decided that I needed to ground myself in order to more fully relate to people in a way they might more easily know and understand me.
I had been a practicing celibate for the past year for the purpose of spiritual development. I realized that the fastest way to get grounded was to get laid. Sexual congress would certainly bring me down to earth faster than anything i could think of.
My cottage was situated a good 100 yards off the valley road into the redwood trees. It was a very private and secluded situation that a person was unlikely to simply stumble upon.
Within a minute of coming to my life changing decision to have a girlfriend there was a knock on my front door. There stood a beautiful young lady who introduced herself as Deborah, she was wanting to meet the person who now inhabited this cottage.
I said “ I’m Courtenay, I guess you are here to stay for a while”. She smiled demurely and with a low chuckle said “Maybe, we’ll see”.
Within the hour we were in the throes of an exquisite carnal experience.
Be careful what you wish for because you create your own reality. Oh yes, I got laid many times that night and in the morning found myself in the grip of a mighty come down.
The extraordinary clarity of mind that I had been experiencing for so long now was suddenly occluded somewhat and I was suffering the pangs of negative thought for the first time in a long period of sublime overview. I was used to creating my reality consciously moment by moment. As I thought so it became step by step. I could literally walk through the rain without getting wet. On many occasions I walked to Weir and Frankie’s ranch a mile down the road through the gentle rain and would arrive dry. Frankie would look at me curiously and ask if i had driven down because I was still dry. It was simple for me to hold that state of mind that kept the rain off me.
And now that wonderful period of Grace that I didn’t even realize I dwelt in was eroding.
Thus started the beginning of a long spell of descent from that lofty realm (of Grace) that I had lived in for so long .